Dear Little Red,
Today was really hard. We are so in love with you, and we just want you to be happy and safe in there. The idea that you might not be is haunting my every second.
I promise that I’m doing everything I can and will continue to do my best for you. Just please hold on tight in there.
We’re so excited that we got to see you today… even if you’re only a little peanut. It just made you all the more real and made our love for you more fierce.
Hang in there little one.
Love,
Mommy & Daddy
Today was my first prenatal appointment… sort of. It was the follow up to our trip to the Emergency Room on Saturday. We went into this appointment not sure of what to expect, but under the assumption that everything was fine and we were just following up with my doctor.
But before I get into that, I want to say a few things about my doctor…
My Medical History
Dr. Accetta at Lowcountry Women’s Specialists has been my gynecologist for a few years. While I admittedly haven’t kept up with my visits like I should have (lapse in insurance coverage being a big reason), the information he has about me in my medical chart were fairly up to date.
Last I saw him, I hadn’t had a menstrual cycle in nearly 2 years. Jeremy and I had been together for over a year and I felt like if we had any hope of getting pregnant, we should start figuring out what was wrong with me. I have PCOS – I was diagnosed when I was 15 years old. I already knew it was likely the cause… in addition to my hefty weight gain.
Dr, Accetta put me on a strong dose of estrogen to help me jumpstart my period – just to make sure I could have one and that I could ovulate. I spent a lot of time in and out of his office getting blood work done and it was concluded that my PCOS was just really giving me a lot of trouble and I would need help getting pregnant at this stage.
Weight loss was a big ticket item. He told me “Even if you lose just 10 pounds, you’ll increase your chances of getting pregnant”. He prescribed me Metformin, a drug typically given to diabetics that just happens to work well for patients with PCOS. I took it for a few months, but couldn’t get past being queasy and stopped taking it when I ran out and my insurance coverage lapsed.
I tell you all of this because it’s important to understand my medical history… and that my doctor should have been familiar with my hormone imbalance issues.
They did no blood work
It’s been over a decade since I was pregnant with my daughter, but I can only assume that there are just some things that haven’t changed – the initial trifecta of peeing in a cup, blood work, and ultrasound being one of them.
Imagine my surprise when no blood was drawn for testing. I would assume that especially given my medical history with hormone imbalance that my numbers would be checked. But that would be the least of the crazy that occurred during this appointment.
I was made to feel stupid
Everything I know about pregnancy tells me that if you think something is wrong… if you are bleeding, if you don’t feel right… You seek medical help. Unfortunately for me, it happened that when that moment came, a trip to the Emergency Room was my only option.
Dr. Accetta mumbled most of my appointment and repeatedly spoke poorly of Trident Hospital – the same hospital his office is associated with. He told me that “going there was probably a waste of time”.
Waste of time!? No. Protecting this baby and being sure that he’s okay is NEVER a “waste of time”.
He chastised the ER, stating the the RhoGam shot issued to me was “not necessary”. I’m not a doctor, but I know for a fact that any Rh negative woman who is bleeding should be issued a RhoGam shot within 72 hours to prevent desensitization so that her body doesn’t attack and kill off the baby. I was already long overdue for it at that point.
I received another ultrasound
An internal ultrasound was performed at this appointment just like the one I received in the ER only a few days before. Once again, the tech saw the gestational sac, yolk sac, and fetal pole in my uterus where it belonged. Still, there was no heartbeat – probably because it was still so early.
The tech measured me as being 5 weeks, 6 days. That put me a whole 4 days behind what was measured in the ER. Dr. Accetta once again chastised the ER by saying “they don’t do as many ultrasounds as we do” in order to justify the difference in measurements.
The tech printed out a picture of Little Red for us. It says 11w5d on it because before they measured, they could only go by the first day of my last period… which is totally not correct for when we actually conceived due to the irregularity of my period.
We’re “in limbo”
The word “miscarriage” got thrown around a lot. When we left the office, I was in tears. Honestly, he gave us no new information, made me feel stupid, and just made me feel scared. I felt like I got more from going to the ER and at least I left there feeling hopeful.
I might be having a miscarriage… or I might not. We’re just in limbo at this point and it could go either way.
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