My dearest Little Red,
I can’t even begin to describe how terrified I was yesterday, having to go to the emergency room to make sure you were okay.
We’ve only known about you for a week and a half, but we’ve already grown so attached and so in love with you… and I’ve worried every day…
- Are you where you should be?
- Am I even really pregnant?
- Is this a hysterical or chemical pregnancy?
- Have I done enough to take care of you?
Laying on a table while the tech took pictures of you that I never got to see made me really sad. Waiting 30 minutes to find out if you were okay and imagining a bunch of doctors preparing to give me bad news was heart wrenching.
Finding out that you’re alive in there, where you should be, and that my body is doing everything it’s supposed to do to take care of you… was easily one of the greatest joys of my life.
You are such a lucky little one. You’ll never understand just how excited your Daddy is that you’re here. I’ve never seen anything like it… a love for you that could almost rival my own. He became a Daddy the second he knew you existed, and that’s a rare and beautiful thing.
We have a long, long road to go together before you’re ready for this world Little Red. Please stay safe in there…
Love,
Mommy
Yesterday was a scary day for us all. We decided to take an afternoon trip to the Emergency Room because I was spotting more than I felt comfortable with.
Of course spotting is totally common and usually no cause for concern, particularly in the first trimester. But given what I experienced with my menstrual cycle back in March and April, and the fact that the spotting seemed like it was getting heavier, and since we still didn’t know how far along I was for certain… it just felt like it was best to get checked out.
At the Hospital
After checking me in, the staff put me through all the normal pokes and prods: Urine sample, IV placement, blood draw for tests, lots of questions. They wanted to be sure they had a clear picture of where I was in my pregnancy, what I was experiencing, and what they needed to look for. The big ticket item was making sure I was having a legitimate pregnancy and one that was not ectopic – which has been weighing on my mind since we got our big fat positive (BFP) test.
I was lead back to the ultrasound room alone – Jeremy wasn’t allowed to come with us. I didn’t understand why not at the time and I was pretty upset about it – I didn’t want to see our baby for the first time all alone. But as we walked there, the tech explained that they couldn’t show me anything and that all of the images would be given to the radiologist to look over. I’m guessing it’s because it’s over the tech’s pay grade so to speak… if they should miss something or forget to tell me something or be wrong, they could get into trouble.
I kept my eyes shut during the ultrasound. I was afraid I’d read something on the tech’s face that would just make me worry more. It would be 30 minutes before I heard anything, and I can cook up a lot of bad outcomes in my head in half an hour.
The Results
- There’s a live baby.
- Little Red is in my uterus.
- I am 6 weeks pregnant.
- They couldn’t hear a heartbeat.
The bad news is that they consider the bleeding to be a “threatened miscarriage”. That’s not to say that I am having one, but rather that because of the spotting, they consider it a threat. More than likely my bleeding is being caused by the fact that my blood type is O- and the baby likely has a positive Rh factor like Jeremy.
They issued my first RhoGam shot and wow, I forgot how badly that shot hurts. That needle is huge! In case you don’t know what that is, RhoGam is a special shot issued to pregnant women with an Rh negative blood type to prevent their body from fighting off the baby as if it’s an infection. It’s even more important that women who are not first time moms get it early, so I’m glad we went ahead and went in – although I’m sure that emergency room trip is going to cost a small fortune.
Can’t wait to see that bill…
They told me not to be concerned about the heartbeat – that it’s very early yet and that this is why you typically aren’t scheduled for an ultrasound until you are at least 8 weeks pregnant. There’s just not a whole lot to see before then.
How I’m Feeling
The next day was brutal. One of the RhoGam side effects is nausea – as if I didn’t already have enough of that. We are experiencing a lot of rain in South Carolina right now and the storm pressure was really getting to me. I usually take Naproxen to manage pain associated with storm pressure, but of course being pregnant, that’s out.
So Sunday I spent the entire day sleeping in bed, laying on the couch watching Reba, and just generally being miserable. I did get smart and eventually sat on my yoga ball for a little while when I realized I was hurting in the hip area – I guess it’s starting to spread.
Really miserable day. Worth it… because I think the RhoGam is slowing down that spotting. But still, pretty dang miserable.
The Follow Up
I called my OBGYN to follow up as directed by the Emergency Room. I have no idea what anyone thinks my doctor is going to do about anything at this point – it’s really a waiting game. We originally were scheduled for my first prenatal appointment next week on June 18th, but they moved it up to Tuesday June 12th!
Ahhhh! I’m not ready!
I’m almost a little bummed that I have to go in so soon, because it’s unlikely we’ll hear the heartbeat. But I am so freaking excited for Jeremy. He’s so over the moon it’s crazy.
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